Mistress Of The Dark

Elvira , Mistress Of The Dark

Elvira , Mistress Of The Dark

    Cassandra Peterson , better known as Elvira , Mistress Of The Dark.
Hostess of Movie Macabre throughout the eighties. Most of the films were badly produced , the acting poor , and the dialogue often worse. But Elvira with her wit , and criticism , always made it fun to watch. And watching her was even more fun.


#elvira, #mistress-of-the-dark

The Maurty Povich Show


Is it just me , or does anyone else think this is one of the most ridiculous shows on the boob tube? I can’t be the only one.
I like Maurty. Everybody likes Maurty. He seems like a nice enough guy. But with a show like this , he’s just asking to be made fun of.
For over ten years now , Maurty has been exciting audiences all over America with his unique brand of crappy television. The subject matter of this fine show includes such topics as , cheating spouses , transvestites , and embarrassing situations caught on video. Only those who are dense enough to watch this tasteless junk on a daily basis , could possibly find it exciting entertainment.
Recently , Maurty celebrated the shows tenth anniversary with his good buddy and favorite animal trainer , Jack Hanna , who has appeared numerous times over the years.
In a recent interview , the shows executive producer , Amy Rosenblum , revealed some things about Maurty that even his fans didn’t know.

                                                    Behind The Scenes Of The Maurty Povich Show , With Amy Rosenblum

“I’ve been the shows executive producer for the entire ten years , and I’ve loved every minute of it. It’s the best job I’ve ever had. I hope it lasts another ten years.
“I know that some people don’t like the show. They think it’s silly and ridiculous. Even I find it silly at times. Especially when Maury does one of his , I Slept With My Husbands Brother , or Who’s The Father Of My Baby? shows. But his audiences love it , no matter how ridiculous it is. The more outrageous it is , the fans love it , which is why I think it’s so popular. Maury’s not afraid to be outrageous. He knows that if he can make the show as crazy as possible , people will watch. And it’s worked for ten years.”

 Everybody Loves Maurty

“Not long after we started the show , in ninety – seven , Maury liked to dress up as different characters during rehearsal. Every episode , halfway through the first season , Maury would dress up as some of his favorite celebrities , and rehearse the show.
“The first character that Maury impersonated , was Groucho Marx , one of his all time favorites. Some of his guests would be confused , until they realized that it was Maury. The second celebrity was Ozzy Osbourne. The original Sabbath is one of his favorite bands , and Maury always thought that Ozzy was such an outrageous character.
“So , one day , Maury comes out wearing a wig , and a black tee – shirt with a white cross on it.
“The audience went crazy. He threw his hands over his head , mimicking Ozzy giving the peace sign. ‘Are you ready to rock?’ he said , in a surprisingly good English accent.
“Everybody went absolutely bananas. Most of them jumped around like baboons , chanting , ‘Maury!’
” ‘Are you ready to rock?’ he said again.
” ‘Yes!’ they screamed back. Then the stage curtains opened to reveal three guys dressed like the other guys in the band , complete with out dated clothes , and funny looking wigs.
“Without the accent , Maury said , ‘This is my band , Black Savage. We’re a Sabbath cover band. We’ve been practicing real hard for weeks , and during breaks on this show , we’ll be playing some of their material.’
“Everybody went insane. They yelled and screamed , and jumped around like monkeys in a cage at the zoo. Some got so excited , that they actually jumped all the way to the ceiling , banging their heads , knocking themselves unconscious , then falling back into the audience , and injuring others. Others had broken through , and were either dangling unconscious , or moaning in pain.
“Maury and the guys had watched it all with bemused expressions , that is , until people started getting hurt. At first it was funny watching everyone screaming and jumping like wild animals. But now it had gotten out of control. Some fools were dangling unconscious from the ceiling , and some with their legs kicking , and screaming for help , while others were lying in the audience , moaning and groaning in pain.
“Someone called the paramedics. The most seriously injured were taken to the hospital , and those with mild cuts and bruises were treated on the spot. No one died of their injuries , thank God. I knew that Maury had the wildest audiences , but I had no idea how absolutely insane they were!
“No one was more relieved than Maury was when he found out that everyone was going to be alright. I think he was worried that he might get sued. He wasn’t.”

Fun With Maurty And Jack

    “Last year , Maury celebrated the shows tenth anniversary with his close friend , Jack Hanna. Jack has been on the show about twice a year , which is always a lot of fun. And each time he comes , he features more exotic animals and insects.
“The animals he brought out for the anniversary special , were a macaw , and a pair of chimps. He brought out the macaw first. Jack whistled , and a multi – colored parrot flew out from back stage.  There was a perch next to Jack , which it was supposed to settle on , but apparently the bird had other ideas. Instead of landing on the perch , it passed over the entire audience , spraying , and dropping doody on everyone. They all howled with laughter , as the bird crop dusted them , while squawking its own laughter. There wasn’t one person that didn’t have bird pee or doody on them. No one care , though , because they were all having a good time.
“Maury and Jack were shocked and surprised by the birds behavior. But they were also amused , especially Maury. ‘I don’t know what’s the matter with him , Maury!’ Jack said. ‘He’s never behaved this way before. He must be nervous. Come here , Louie! Behave yourself!’
“But apparently , Louie didn’t want to behave himself. He made one more swoop over the audience , dropped another pay load , and squawked with laughter. Then he dive bombed Maury and Jack , squawked again , and flew back stage.
“Wiping bird doody from their faces , Jack shouted , ‘Bad Louie!’
“The audience laughed again , wiping doody from their own faces and clothes.
“Apparently , Louie wasn’t the only one that was nervous. Maury was also nervous. Every year , he looked forward Jacks visits , and the animals he brought  with him. But Maury was also more than a little apprehensive , because a lot of the animals could be potentially dangerous , and their behavior unpredictable. Case in point , the next animals that Jack brought out.
“When Jacks assistants brought out the two chimps , Buckaroo Bonzo , and Bozo The Clown , they must have sensed how nervous Maury was , because from that moment on , things went from bad … to worse.
“Buckaroo Bonzo was wearing a stupid looking Peter Weller wig , and was dressed like the actor from the movie , Buckaroo Banzai. And Bozo was dressed like his favorite clown , wearing a silly looking red wig , and a bicycle horn that he tooted incessantly. The audience howled with laughter when they saw the chimps. They looked so ridiculous. The moment they set eyes on Maury , they broke free of their handlers and made a be – line straight for him. They pounced on him , threw him on the ground , ripped of their silly looking outfits , and started rubbing doody all over him.
“The audience bellowed. Maury was laughing too , but he was also scared to death that they might hurt him. He covered his head with his arms , and wouldn’t look up the whole time the monkeys were doing their business.
” ‘Jack! Make ’em stop!’ he shouted. Jack and the handlers , attempted to grab hold of the chimps , but got pelted with doody themselves. Then Bonzo and Bozo turned to the audience , and threw doody at them , too.
“The chimps had great aim. They managed to hit every single person , either in the face , or on their clothes.
“When they were done with the audience , they ran around the set , throwing seats , ripping up furniture , and tearing apart whatever they could get their hands on.
“Maury was terrified. The moment the chimps turned their attention to the audience , he ran back stage , and would not come out until it was all over.
“Jack and his assistants chased the chimps around the set , attempting to get them to cease their rampage. It went on for almost twenty minutes. The audience was going crazy the whole time , howling with laughter , as Buckaroo Bonzo , and Bozo The Clown , completely destroyed the place.
“Finally , mercifully , it was over. It looked like a freak tornado had struck the inside of the studio. Jack and his assistants were finally able to calm the chimps enough , to get them back stage.
“Of course , none of it had been taped. Too bad , though. It would have made a great show. However , it would be a while before Jack and his kids , were invited back to the show.”

Oooops! I Did It Again! by Christina Aguilera

Britney Spears

Britney Spears

The unauthorized biography of one of pop music’s most popular icons.
How Britney Spears came up with one of her most popular CDs.
Apparently , according to Aguilera , Spears had consumed too many refried bean burritos the night before , and had uncontrollable flatulence all throughout the recording of the CD.
From the book : “It was so bad , that recording had to be stopped every few minutes so she could run to the crapper , so she wouldn’t embarrass herself in front of everyone. But everyone heard the noises anyway , because they were so loud , and every time she came out , everyone would pretend not to notice what she’d been doing.
“It took forever to complete the CD. Every time she hurried to the john , she would say ,’Oooops! Here it comes again!’
“After she came out the third time , she said ,’Hey everybody! Guess what? I just thought of a great title for my CD! Ooops! I Did It Again! Because I almost went in my panties this time!’
According to Aguilera , the following verses were omitted from the original version of the CD.
Oooops! I did it again!/I cut the Big One/’Cause I ate too much beans/Now my butt really stinks/’Cause I pass too much gas/And now it’s on fire/’Cause I like eating beans!
Originally , the song was to be about her love of refried beans , which were her favorites. She had once told Aguilera that she believed she had been a dog in a former life , and that refried beans always reminded her of dog food , which she enjoyed eating straight from the can — refried beans , not dog food.
But management urged her to change the lyrics , because they were not sure how her fans would react.
Spears also attended a recording session of Aguilera’s , passing explosive wind , and embarrassing her , which is the main reason she wrote the book.
“That wasn’t the only time she farted around me!” Aguilera complained in an interview after the book was published. “She showed up drunk , backstage , at one of my concerts , and farted the whole time!
“I was so embarrassed that I had to take her aside — holding my nose the whole time , because it stank so bad , the girl really can fart! — and told her that if she didn’t stop eating so many beans , no one would want to be around her anymore. But she just laughed and said that I sounded like Mickey Mouse , and we’re so not
friends anymore!
“So I wrote the book to embarrass her , like she embarrassed me so many times.”

#aguilera, #britney-spears, #explosive-wind, #flatulence, #refried-beans, #unauthorized-biography