Everybody Hates Raymond

In 1996 , CBS debuted Everybody Loves Raymond , a sitcom about a hapless Joe named Ray Barone. Ray is the kind of guy who shirks most of his responsibilities , such as helping out around the house , and helping with the kids. He would rather spend his time being a couch potato , playing golf , and hanging out with his buddies at Nemo’s.

Not only is he irresponsible , but he’s also insensitive to his wife’s feelings , as he demonstrates in every episode , which is one of the reasons they argue. The other is his lack of responsibility.

The series is based loosely on the comedy of Ray Romano , and  some of his relatives. It was highly successful in the ratings and ran for nine seasons , but was cancelled in 2005. It also starred Brad Garrett , as Ray’s older brother , Robert , who is jealous , and constantly whines about him being the favored one. The elder Barones are portrayed by Doris Roberts , as Marie , and Peter Boyle , as Frank.  Marie constantly pampers Ray , which is the source of Robert’s resentment , and is always arguing with Frank , who insults her at every opportunity , much of it having to do with their marriage. Ray’s wife , Debra , is portrayed by Patricia Heaton. In every episode , Ray manages to say , or do something stupid , and insensitive , and they wind up arguing.

After the series ended , one of the producers , Lisa Jackson , published a book about the cast and their experiences working together. The book , titled , Everybody Hates Raymond , was a tell all that left virtually nothing to the imagination.

According to Jackson , the entire cast , with the exception of the children, were exactly like their characters on the show.

From the book : “They were like clones of their characters , which is why they were chosen. Ray was a lazy , irresponsible jerkoff ; Patricia was an angry , bitchy woman ; Brad was a whiny crybaby ; Peter was a gassy , insulting bastard , and Doris believed she was God’s gift to mothers.

“This pleased Philip immensely. As long as they were the clones of their characters , they would have no trouble playing their roles. And getting into character , and staying there from beginning to end of series , was not a problem. The only problem that Philip had with these people , which wasn’t really a problem , depending on your perspective , was that they hated each other. They genuinely hated each other. They were always fighting and bickering among themselves , just like their characters on the show. They fought like cats and dogs , about anything and everything. Every day that I came to the set , I would hear voices arguing somewhere , or someone screaming at someone else. They argued and fought during rehearsal , and they argued and fought during taping.

“One of the things they fought about was Peter’s disgusting habit. He had a bad flatulence problem , and was always letting loose during rehearsal and taping. The studio stank like an out house , or a sewer. Nobody wanted to rehearse or tape , with Peter tooting all over the place. It was disgusting. We all had to wear gas masks , which made it difficult for the cast to read their lines , because Peter wouldn’t stop tooting , and laughing.
Apparently , he didn’t mind his own stench , even though it was enough to kill the devil himself , and every time Peter let loose , we wanted to kill him.

“Another thing they fought about , was Doris’s drinking. The woman was a lush , and couldn’t lay off the booze if her life depended on it. She drank like a fish. She loved any kind of alcohol , but preferred beer to anything else. She left empty cans and bottles all over the studio , including the set , and everyone’s dressing rooms – including her own.

“When she was drunk – which was most of the time – she would barge into everyone’s dressing rooms , whether they were there or not. If a room was unoccupied , she would blabber at the walls , thinking she was talking to an actual person , completely oblivious to the fact that the walls never answered her back. If they were occupied , she would challenge them to a drinking contest. Of course , no one ever took her up on her challenge. They would scream at her to get out , calling her a crazy old bitch , and slam the door in her face.

“They would lock the doors to keep her out , but it didn’t do any good. She would pick the locks , even when she when she was blind , stinking drunk , leave her cans and bottles , and leave the doors open. This went on for a while. Everyone complained to Philip numerous times. He said he would take care of it. But , of course , he did nothing. He didn’t own the studio , so there was nothing he could do. And there was no proof that Doris was the one who was littering the set and everyone’s dressing rooms with her empty containers. No one had actually seen her do it. It was their word against hers.

“Doris had other problems other than alcohol abuse. When she wasn’t barging in uninvited , challenging others to a drinking contest , she could usually be found arguing with Patricia. On the series , Pat’s character , Debra , resented the elder Barones’ always barging in unannounced , and sticking their noses where they didn’t belong , and when Doris was drinking , she sometimes forgot who she was. When she was drinking , she actually believed that she was Marie Barone , her character on the show. So , most of the time that she was plastered , she would deliberately pick fights with Patricia. She would pound on her dressing room door , or confront her in front of everyone else , accusing her of being an angry bitch who liked to bully people.

” ‘I don’t know what my Wamey sees in you!’ she screamed one day. ‘Sometimes I think you stay married to him so you can blame him for all your prolems!’

“Patricia knew she was drunk , as usual. ‘Get lost , you crazy old witch!’ she said , pushing her. Doris fell on her back and didn’t get up. In fact , she didn’t move for  a long time and Patricia was getting worried.

” ‘Oh my God! I didn’t kill the old bitch , did I?’

“She ran from the room to get help , not realizing that Doris had only fallen asleep. When she came back , she was dragging Brad along with her. By now , Doris’s mouth was hanging wide open , and she was snoring like  buzz saw. A string of saliva had dribbled down her chin , and a fly was slacking it’s thirst at it.

” ‘She doesn’t look dead to me ,’ Brad said. He shook her awake and helped her up.

” ‘What’s going on?’ she said , groggily.

” ‘Patricia thought she killed you.’

“Doris’s blood shot eyes widened. ‘Now I remember! You pushed me , you bitch!’

“She grabbed Patricia , and the two of them rolled around the room , screaming and pulling each others hair out. Brad tried to get them to stop , screaming as loud as he could , but they couldn’t hear him above their own screaming.

“A few minutes later , Ray came running into the room. ‘What’s going on here?!’ he shouted.

“Patricia and Doris stopped fighting and looked up at him. Their hands were full of chunks of each others hair , and there were several bald spots on their heads. They looked ridiculous.

” ‘You!’ Doris said.

” ‘You!’ Patricia said. ‘This is all your fault!’

” ‘My fault? What did I do?’

 ” ‘Give me a minute , and I’ll think of something!’ Patricia screamed. ‘Come here so I can kill you!’

“Brad was insanely jealous because of all the attention Ray got , both on and off the show , and on almost every episode he always said the same thing. And it didn’t matter if they wanted to kill him ; he was still jealous.

“Everybody Loves Raymond!’ he said.

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#eevrybody-hates-ray, #ray-romano

Fart Whisperer , Can You Smell Us? by Jennifer Love Hewitt

   Did you know that there actually are people who hunt ghosts by the smells they emit? Yes , it’s true! They’re called Fart Whisperers. For five seasons CBS aired Ghost Whisperer , a series starring Jennifer Love Hewitt , which was based upon the true life exploits of Mary Ann Winkowski , an honest to God Fart Whisperer.

   An authorized biography of real life Fart Whisperer , Mary Ann Winkowski. The book deals mainly with Winkowski’s unusual methods of ghost hunting , recounts of incidents from her early years , and also excerpts from her two books , When Death Smells , and When Ghosts Fart , It Really , Really Stinks!

   According to Hewitt , Winkowski not only was a gifted psychic from her teenage years , but her methods of ghost hunting were very unorthodox. Her talent was not seeing the dead , but hearing them pass wind.

From the book : “She had an otherworldly talent for sniffing out otherworldly odors , much like a dog does when it sniffs around for food , or another dogs butt. One day she started hearing fart noises – and these were really loud noises – and smelling odors that reminded her of all the times that she had eaten hard-boiled eggs as a kid. These odors always occurred when she alone , and she sometimes wondered if she was smelling her own farts , even though she couldn’t remember doing it. These odors were often accompanied by laughter , which led her to believe that she might be the butt of a practical joke. But each time she investigated , she discovered that she was always alone when these smells occurred.

Then , one day at school during class , the smells returned , and this time she heard a voice that said , ‘Can you smell us?’ followed by laughter.

” ‘Whoever it is!’ she blurted out , ‘Please go away and leave me alone! I have no desire to smell your disgusting farts!’

“The whole class stared at her a moment , and then burst out laughing.”

During the opening theme of every episode , a ghostly voice can be heard , saying ,  can you hear us.

According to Hewitt , Winkowski wanted it changed to , can you smell us , since , she claimed that the dead smell worse than worse than the living. But the producers said , no stinking way!